The Stages of Awakening for INFJs & Empaths
Awakening is one of the most intense and life-altering experiences a person can go through—especially for INFJs and empaths. It’s not something we necessarily choose, but rather something that finds us when we start questioning our reality, looking deeper, and seeking something more.
Trauma impacts our self-worth, our ability to trust, and even how our nervous and immune systems function. Awakening is the process of rewiring all of these things, shedding old conditioning, and stepping into our most authentic selves. While it’s a challenging path, it’s also deeply profound. Those who have experienced it often speak a shared language—a way of seeing and understanding life that can’t be unlearned.
In this post, we’ll explore the different stages of awakening, why they happen, and what they mean for INFJs, empaths, and highly intuitive individuals.
What Is Awakening?
At its core, awakening is about becoming more aware—of yourself, your patterns, the world around you, and the conditioning you’ve absorbed. It often begins with suffering, as pain is the ultimate catalyst for transformation. We can’t transmute pain by avoiding or numbing it. It must be faced, processed, and integrated.
Through this journey, we develop:
✔️ Heightened creativity – Using creative expression to process emotions.
✔️ A deeper sense of empathy – Seeing that everyone is fighting their own battles.
✔️ Spiritual awareness – Realizing life has meaning beyond surface-level existence.
✔️ A call toward purpose – A desire to help others and live in alignment.
✔️ Greater resilience – Learning to navigate adversity with strength.
Awakening is not a linear process. The stages don’t always happen in order, and sometimes we cycle through them multiple times. But understanding the general path can help make sense of what you’re experiencing.
The Stages of Awakening
1. Suffering & The Dark Night of the Soul
Before transformation can happen, we must face pain. This is where the dark night of the soul occurs—a period of deep confusion, loss, and existential questioning. You might experience:
A major life crisis (death, divorce, betrayal, financial collapse, etc.)
A sense of complete hopelessness or meaninglessness
The realization that you've been sleepwalking through life
Questioning everything you once believed
INFJs and empaths tend to resist change. Because of this, we often require deep suffering before we surrender to the awakening process.
2. Resistance & Internal Conflict
Once we realize something needs to change, resistance often follows. Even when we intellectually know change is necessary, it’s terrifying. Our ego fights against it because it wants things to stay predictable. Signs of this stage include:
Doubting your ability to change
Rationalizing toxic relationships or unhealthy habits
Feeling stuck between who you were and who you're becoming
But resistance is futile—if you don’t surrender, life will eventually push you off the edge.
3. Contemplation & The Desire for Change
At this stage, you start craving more—more depth, more authenticity, more meaning. You might not know how to get there yet, but you begin to seek answers. This is when:
You start reading, researching, or seeking guidance
You become aware of limiting beliefs and patterns
You begin exploring spirituality, personal growth, or shadow work
4. Surrender & Asking for Help
Awakening requires surrender—realizing that you cannot do it all alone and that you need support. This is when you:
Let go of the illusion of control
Recognize the severity of your struggles
Seek out mentors, coaches, therapists, or spiritual teachers
Begin trusting the process, even if you don’t fully understand it
During this time, you’re still operating from lower emotional states (shame, guilt, fear), so leaning on others who have already walked this path is crucial.
5. Emotional Processing & Deep Healing
This is one of the hardest stages because it requires revisiting old wounds. You begin re-experiencing past trauma as an observer, and buried emotions start to surface. This phase often includes:
Grief, anger, and overwhelming emotions
Crying unexpectedly or having vivid flashbacks
Realizing how childhood wounds shaped your current struggles
Revisiting old memories and seeing them with new awareness
You may even go through the stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But this time, you’re moving through them with conscious awareness.
6. The Cocoon Phase: Solitude & Reflection
Once the emotional floodgates open, there’s a natural pull to go inward. This is when you feel called to:
Spend more time alone
Disconnect from social expectations
Reevaluate your core beliefs and values
Reconnect with childhood passions or lost interests
This is also one of the loneliest stages. You might lose friendships or feel misunderstood by those around you. But this is where you meet yourself—the real you, beneath all the conditioning.
7. Self-Acceptance & Integration
At some point, a shift happens. You stop resisting. You stop fighting yourself. Instead of trying to "fix" everything, you start to accept yourself—flaws, wounds, and all. This is when:
You release judgment toward yourself and others
You embrace discomfort instead of avoiding it
You find a deep sense of self-compassion and forgiveness
You realize once you accept yourself, real change happens naturally
8. Rebuilding & Rebirth
With self-acceptance comes natural transformation. You start making changes not because you should but because they feel right. Instead of forcing yourself to "be healthy," your habits shift organically. Signs of this stage include:
Healthier relationships & boundaries
Authenticity without fear of judgment
Increased intuition & flow in life
A deep sense of purpose
You start finding your people—others who have been through this journey and resonate with your new energy. The loneliness of the cocoon stage fades as you step into alignment with who you truly are.
What Happens After Awakening?
This journey is never really "over." Awakening is cyclical. Each time you grow, another layer peels away, revealing deeper truths about yourself. But after going through this process, you develop resilience, self-trust, and a sense of peace that can’t be shaken.
And for many INFJs and empaths, awakening eventually leads to acts of service—helping others, guiding, healing, and creating meaningful work in the world. But this can only happen once you’ve learned to put yourself first.
Your Homework: Coping Mechanism Awareness Exercise
Make a list of all your coping mechanisms—both healthy and unhealthy. Then:
Circle the healthy ones that support your well-being.
Observe the unhealthy ones—no judgment, just awareness.
Ask yourself: What uncomfortable feelings am I trying to avoid?
This is not about eliminating bad habits overnight. It’s about awareness—the first step to true change.
Looking for guidance as you navigate your awakening journey? Explore my coaching sessions, free resources, and in-depth insights to help you step into your most authentic self. Awakening isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about embracing the process, one revelation at a time. ✨
Book a Coaching Session and take the first step toward self-trust, alignment, and inner transformation.
