Why INFJs & Empaths Struggle with Goals (And How to Hack Your Productivity)
Goal-setting should be simple: Pick a target, make a plan, and take action.
But if you’re an INFJ, empath, or deep thinker, you’ve probably noticed that traditional goal-setting doesn’t work for you. No matter how much effort you put in, it feels like you’re spinning your wheels. You set big goals, but motivation comes and goes, resistance shows up, and sometimes, you’re just too tired to push through.
So, what’s really going on? And more importantly—how do you fix it?
Let’s talk about why INFJs and empaths struggle with goals, and how to hack your mindset and productivity so you can actually follow through.
1. Success Is a Side Effect, Not a Target
One reason INFJs and empaths struggle with goals is because we don’t operate like linear thinkers. Society tells us to set a clear goal and chase it, but success doesn’t always work that way—especially for intuitive, deep-feeling minds.
🔹 Imagine fishing in a lake with refracted water. If you aim directly at the fish, you’ll miss. Instead, you have to adjust your aim to hit your target indirectly.
Success works the same way. Instead of fixating on an outcome, you need to act in alignment with yourself, and success follows as a natural side effect.
This is different from how we’ve been taught to approach goals, but it’s exactly how intuitive, flow-based people operate best.
👉 Mindset Shift: Focus less on “hitting the goal” and more on aligning with the process that naturally brings success.
2. You’re Comparing Yourself to the Wrong People
INFJs and empaths often judge themselves too harshly because we compare ourselves to people who don’t have the same struggles we do.
You might be comparing yourself to:
🔹 People with different personality types who thrive in structured, rigid goal-setting.
🔹 People who had better parenting, fewer traumas, or more opportunities.
🔹 People who sacrifice balance to excel in one area of life.
🚨 Be careful of comparing yourself to people with an unbalanced pie.
What do I mean by that?
If you’re looking at someone who’s wildly successful in business, you might assume you should be achieving at the same level. But what if they’re neglecting their relationships, mental health, or personal growth to get there?
INFJs and empaths value balance. We care about nurturing all parts of our lives—not just one area—so it’s unfair to compare yourself to someone who’s prioritizing success at the expense of everything else.
👉 Mindset Shift: Stop comparing your holistic, balanced life to someone else’s hyper-focused success.
3. Trauma & Neurodivergence Add Extra Layers of Resistance
Most INFJs and empaths are neurodivergent. That means we have executive functioning challenges, which affect our ability to take consistent action.
We also tend to have more personality fragments due to trauma.
🔹 The more fragmented your psyche, the more internal resistance you’ll have to achieving your goals.
Think of it this way:
If you have multiple parts of yourself that aren’t on the same page, some of them will rebel against your goals.
For example:
🎭 One part of you wants to be responsible and get work done.
🎭 Another part (your inner teenager) just wants to have fun and relax.
🎭 Your inner child may feel unsafe with structure and deadlines.
If these parts aren’t acknowledged and integrated, they sabotage your progress.
👉 Mindset Shift: Instead of forcing discipline, find ways to negotiate with your inner parts and get them on board.
4. Your Negative Self-Talk Is Holding You Back
INFJs and empaths are incredibly encouraging to others—but harsh on themselves.
The way you talk to yourself directly impacts how much support and structure you’ll need to stay motivated.
The worse your inner dialogue, the more external support you’ll need. If your self-talk is negative, you’ll struggle more with productivity and willpower.
💡 The Fix? Get Support.
Sometimes, all you need is:
✔️ A mentor, coach, or therapist who makes you feel supported.
✔️ A structured environment that minimizes distractions.
✔️ A group or accountability partner to remind you you’re not alone.
You don’t need perfect support—you just need someone in your corner who doesn’t judge you.
👉 Mindset Shift: Speak to yourself the way you’d speak to a friend. If that’s hard, surround yourself with nonjudgmental people who uplift you.
5. You’re Moving Too Fast for an Old Soul
INFJs and empaths are old souls. Even if you’re physically young, your soul moves at a different pace.
That means:
⚡ You need more time to process your ideas.
⚡ You need more space to integrate change.
⚡ You don’t thrive in a fast-paced, hustle culture.
But because we’re impatient, we often try to force ourselves to move at a speed that isn’t natural for us.
🚨 The result? Burnout, frustration, and feeling like a failure.
👉 Mindset Shift: Move slower, not faster. Respect your pace, and you’ll actually get where you’re going faster—without breaking a metaphorical hip.
6. Your Goals Are Full of "Shoulds"
One of the biggest blocks to motivation? Setting goals you think you “should” pursue rather than goals you actually want.
🛑 "I should get in shape."
🛑 "I should work harder."
🛑 "I should be further along by now."
🔹 Should-based goals drain your energy. They bring in low-vibration guilt, which kills motivation.
✅ Solution? Reframe your goals as wants.
Instead of: "I should exercise," shift it to: "I want to move my body in ways that feel good."
Instead of: "I should work harder," shift it to: "I want to create meaningful work that energizes me."
👉 Mindset Shift: Drop the “shoulds” and set goals that inspire you.
Final Thoughts: How to Hack Your Goals as an INFJ or Empath
The traditional productivity system wasn’t built for intuitive, deep thinkers. But that doesn’t mean you can’t achieve your goals—it just means you need to do it differently.
✨ Key Takeaways:
✔️ Success is a side effect of alignment, not the goal itself.
✔️ Stop comparing yourself to people who don’t value balance like you do.
✔️ Work with your inner parts instead of against them.
✔️ Support & environment matter—surround yourself with people who uplift you.
✔️ Move slower, not faster. You’re an old soul—respect your pace.
✔️ Shift from "should" goals to "want" goals for sustainable motivation.
If you’re tired of fighting yourself, try working with yourself instead. Your path to success isn’t about forcing discipline—it’s about learning how you naturally operate and aligning your goals accordingly.
Ready to Hack Your Productivity & Align with Your Goals?
Traditional goal-setting wasn’t built for INFJs, empaths, or deep thinkers—but that doesn’t mean you can’t achieve success on your own terms. Whether you’re struggling with motivation, procrastination, or resistance, I offer coaching, free resources, and in-depth insights to help you break through blocks and create a goal-setting system that actually works for you.
Productivity isn’t about forcing discipline—it’s about learning how you naturally operate and aligning your goals accordingly. When you stop fighting yourself and start working with your strengths, success becomes effortless.
Book a Coaching Session today and take the next step toward self-trust, flow, and meaningful achievement.
