How To Have Better Relationships
New psychobabble episode. Watch on Youtube or listen on Anchor below.
Show Notes
Introduction
The 7 big things that sabotage relationships
Abuse
Addiction
Cheating
Attachment styles
Boundaries
Core Wounds
Unmet Needs
Abuse, addiction, and cheating should be worked on separately. But attachment styles, boundaries, core wounds and unmet needs can be worked on together if both partners are willing to do the work.
Relationships usually trigger us more than anything else. That creates an opportunity for growth.
Attachment styles
Not your fault, how you’re wired based on how you were raised. It is your responsibility.
Secure; direct, talk about their feelings, validating, not scared of commitment, high self esteem, strong boundaries, focus on meeting both needs
Disorganized; desire and fear intimacy and vulnerability, extreme responses to feeling confronted, low empathy, poor boundaries, mistrusting, anticipate rejection, self-sabotaging, push-pull dynamic, mixed signals
Anxious; over-give, low self-esteem, tries to earn approval, fear of rejection, needy, don’t like being alone, excessive worrying
Avoidant; suspicious of relationships and intimacy, withdraw when relationship feels too close, overly independent, emotionally unavailable, distant, hard to get to know, bad at compromise
General advice is to find someone secure, but they’re all in relationships
Anxious; be direct and self soothing. Avoidant; be direct and reassuring.
Unmet needs
You are only as needy as your unmet needs "Most people are only as needy as their unmet needs... The dependency paradox. The more effectively dependent people are on one another, the more independent and daring they become". - Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Fi vs Fe emotional trauma
Core wounds
More emotion than the situation warrants, sudden intense emotions, can’t let something go
Abandonment, Rejection, Self-worth, Self-image, Victimization
Awareness “The story that I’m telling myself is”.
When you do this, I feel this.
Boundaries
Especially with inlaws
Extra Tips
Validating, intent and effect. It’s not a competition.
Masculine vs feminine energy; trust them in order to let go
Too idealistic
