Jenny Dobson - Shamanic Life Coach

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How To Have Better Relationships

Jenny Dobson

New psychobabble episode. Watch on Youtube or listen on Anchor below.

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Show Notes

Introduction

The 7 big things that sabotage relationships

  1. Abuse

  2. Addiction

  3. Cheating

  4. Attachment styles

  5. Boundaries

  6. Core Wounds

  7. Unmet Needs

Abuse, addiction, and cheating should be worked on separately. But attachment styles, boundaries, core wounds and unmet needs can be worked on together if both partners are willing to do the work.

Relationships usually trigger us more than anything else. That creates an opportunity for growth.

Attachment styles

  • Not your fault, how you’re wired based on how you were raised. It is your responsibility. 

  • Secure; direct, talk about their feelings, validating, not scared of commitment, high self esteem, strong boundaries, focus on meeting both needs

  • Disorganized; desire and fear intimacy and vulnerability, extreme responses to feeling confronted, low empathy, poor boundaries, mistrusting, anticipate rejection, self-sabotaging, push-pull dynamic, mixed signals

  • Anxious; over-give, low self-esteem, tries to earn approval, fear of rejection, needy, don’t like being alone, excessive worrying

  • Avoidant; suspicious of relationships and intimacy, withdraw when relationship feels too close, overly independent, emotionally unavailable, distant, hard to get to know, bad at compromise

  • General advice is to find someone secure, but they’re all in relationships

  • Anxious; be direct and self soothing. Avoidant; be direct and reassuring.

Unmet needs

  • You are only as needy as your unmet needs "Most people are only as needy as their unmet needs... The dependency paradox. The more effectively dependent people are on one another, the more independent and daring they become". - Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller

  • Fi vs Fe emotional trauma

Core wounds

  • More emotion than the situation warrants, sudden intense emotions, can’t let something go

  • Abandonment, Rejection, Self-worth, Self-image, Victimization

  • Awareness “The story that I’m telling myself is”.

  • When you do this, I feel this.

Boundaries

  • Especially with inlaws

Extra Tips

  • Validating, intent and effect. It’s not a competition.

  • Masculine vs feminine energy; trust them in order to let go

  • Too idealistic