New psychobabble episode. Watch on Youtube or listen on Anchor below.

Why no one listens to INFJs

I tweeted recently that being an INFJ is like being able to see storms far away, but no one else believes you, and then when the storm hits they ask why no one said anything.

It got so many retweets and likes that it actually made me mad, because it made it clear that it’s not just me that’s being devalued, it’s also my friends.

This is going to sound arrogant but things like this really make me wonder; is everyone else too dumb to know that I’m smart, or am i so dumb that i don’t know that i’m dumb?

But actually, I think it’s that we can just see deeper than everyone else, or they’re in denial, or they’re lying to themselves.

It’s not easy to convince someone to take a threat seriously when you’re the only one who sees it. And it’s even harder because we can’t explain how we know the things we know. It all comes from a web of data points that lives in our subconscious. It’s completely inextricable.

The name for this kind of wisdom is called sentinel intelligence, and it’s found in people with high levels of intuition, empathy, emotional intelligence… people like INFJs.

Its frustrating because, in another time and another place, people with this gift become shamans who are repected and listened to. But instead, we are gaslit or ignored.

INFJs have introverted intuition as our dominant function which means that seeing into the future is our #1 superpower. But guess what happens when we try to use this gift to help other people…

Reactance.

They deny, they minimize, they blame everyone else.

It’s a painful pattern that we keep repeating because we care so much about helping other people that we are willing to risk alienation and the ridicule of being wrong. Over and over again.

Why does this happen?

• Souls have different ages and we are trapped on a planet run by toddlers. 

• People don't like being told what you do

• When they’re obstinate they feel in control

• Toddlers don’t learn from their mistakes

• Excuses are an escape from shame and accountability

• They can’t distinguish bad news from the person delivering it

• If people haven’t done any healing work then they are stuck at the age they experienced trauma
  
  They will never admit it, but many people actually want to suffer- life is boring, our survival needs are met, many of us don't even have to leave our homes. When we don’t have anything we have to do, we start making things up. We seek outlets in things like dangerous physical challenges or addictions. Our brains need stimulation and are not suited to this very sterile modern world. In a way, life is so easy that it’s hard, boring, and unstimulating, so we have to create struggles for ourselves instead.

What to do

I’m going to give very un-INFJ advice. It will sound counter-intutive because we believe in self-sacrifice and the greater good.

• Lower your expectations

• Stop trying to save the world and just go savor it

• If no one wants your gifts stop giving them away and get the popcorn

• Reverse psychology them and treat your wisdom like a best-kept secret

• Wait for the invitation- make them ask for it

• Be playful instead of sadistic

• Write out your advice instead
  
  Paradoxically, no one wants to listen to you until you stop talking. So if you really want to help people, stop helping them. Humans don't change until they are suffering.