The universe is into BDSM. There is no safe word. I don’t make the rules.

There are cheat codes…

Treat everything like a paradox. Run towards discomfort. Get kinky. Reverse psychology that bitch.

When you can’t escape getting spanked by life you can at least change the power dynamic; “I fucking love this bullshit”! Now you’re choosing the lesson instead of letting it choose you. From that position, your lessons become easier to master.

Then you finally pass and the universe upgrades the curriculum… like I said, BDSM (you know you like it).

As earthling incarnates, we tend to find ourselves facing obstacles that block our growth and happiness. These challenges seem external, but quite often, the real problem is coming from somewhere deep inside of us. Dark, self-sabotaging dragons loom in our subconscious and outside of our awareness, driving our toxic and confounding patterns.

But once you stop seeing yourself as a victim of your circumstances and instead an active participant in your own suffering, you change the game. Only after we see and accept these dragons and grow conscious of our toxic choices can we integrate them and become more unapologetically whole.

But how do you expose hidden motivations that you can’t see?

In one of my favorite books, "Transforming Your Dragons," Jose Stevens sheds light on these destructive habits and the secret fears behind them, represented metaphorically as dragons.

This is my summary of his lessons on overcoming impatience, arrogance, self-deprecation, martyrdom, greed, self-destruction, and stubbornness.

I hope they bring you clarity like they did for me.

🐲 Taming impatience: The fear of missing out

Impatience dragons look hasty and blunt, but feel anxious and stressed. These dragons grew when we were steamrolled by a parent or constantly rushed. When we were taught to constantly work towards future goals instead of enjoying the present. Or when we were deprived of opportunities. But the present moment lasts forever, which means you have all the time you need. Focus on what you can control, then look for ways to enjoy the wait. You can only plant the seeds. You can’t rush the harvest. (But I still wish I had some Miracle-Grow).

🐲 Taming arrogance: The fear of not being worthy

Arrogance looks like vanity but feels like insecurity. These dragons hatch when we are forced to be perfect or over-perform. Times when it is not safe to be vulnerable. Times when we are ridiculed for our mistakes. But true feelings of pride come from admitting our wrongs, reveling in our imperfections, and accepting our best as good enough.

🐲 Taming self-deprecation: The fear of success

These dragons breed when love is conditional and based on impossible standards. To cope, we learn to fail before we try. Because accepting failure is less painful than trying and failing anyway. Over time, this attitude becomes self-fulfilling. (Whether you believe you can or you believe you can't, you're right). But failure can be used as a tool. It's like playing battleship. It just helps you figure out where to aim next. To tame it, stop over-apologizing. Stop making yourself small. Stop criticizing yourself. And stop playing it safe. Embrace every challenge as an experiment. Not a test. You can't fail an experiment. (You sexy fuckers).

🐲 Taming martyrdom: The fear of deserving love

Martyrdom dragons look like perpetual victims. Inside, they feel exiled, wronged, and abused. Once upon a time, they were victims. These dragons appeared long ago when we were treated like an inconvenience. When we were rewarded for accepting neglect. When our care-givers acted like we owed them something for existing. To tame it, you have to switch from an external locus of control (everything bad always happens to me) to an internal locus of control (I have the power to make better choices). Life is like sailing. You're at the mercy of the wind and you can't often go in a straight line, but you can at least steer the boat. You've just got to get up and steer. If you're determined to look for proof you're not loved, you will always find it. So while you're steering, learn to love yourself instead. I challenge you to discover that you're not as hopeless as you feel.

🐲 Taming greed: The fear of emptiness

Money, sex, food, power... All things done in excess are attempts to avoid pain. These dragons gathered when we were abandoned or offered substitutes for love. Bribes of candy, toys or money to pacify us when what we really needed nurturing. Over time, we learned to identify with what we had instead of who we were. To tame it, practice gratitude instead of craving more. Look for the desire behind the desire.

I want a nice car so I can feel...

I want women so I can feel...

Shift your focus from external validation (I want good grades) to internal goals (I want to learn). Practice generosity instead of scarcity. Compete with yourself instead of others. And share the wealth where you can. The rewards for healing greed are priceless.

🐲 Taming self-destruction: The fear of losing control

Self-destruction looks like fearlessness but feels like hopelessness. Challenging death because half of you wants to escape, and half of you wants proof that you are worthy of life. These dragons swarmed when we were abandoned or abused. Children who are mis-treated always blame themselves. Over time, they also started punishing themselves. Because controlling our own destruction feels safer than letting it happen to us. If anyone gets in our way, we punish them too. To tame it, you have to choose life, heal your addictions, stop running from your problems, and clean up the damage.

I dare you!

Suffering stops when you decide you've sabotaged yourself enough. Get out of your own way, and be open to receiving the things you didn't know you needed. You're putting too many limits on what the universe can do for you. The real thrill lies in surrendering control. Life starts when you let go.

🐲 Taming stubbornness: The fear of change

Stubbornness dragons fed on unpredictability. When change was forced on us without our consent, or when our talents were exploited. When we were robbed of our autonomy. Over time, this grew into a distrust of new experiences. Eventually, we rebel against all change because we've lost the ability to see the difference between force and suggestion. Stubbornness fools us into feeling like we have the power we were denied, but we are only hurting ourselves. To tame it, learn to accept feedback from people you trust and accept your mistakes with grace. Change can be fun and surprise can be a good thing. But believe what you want ;).

Do you know which dragons are yours? Happy hunting. 🧐